I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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