She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
