The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
