And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
