I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
