i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if only i could text you this smell
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
