dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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