I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
