The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
