If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
