We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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