Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
