i already hear my dad disowning me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
