i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
