Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
