I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
