These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
