If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
