It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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