your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
