I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
