Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
