you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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