she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
