I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
