The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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