He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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