The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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