I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
