Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
