i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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