I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
