hotel room ftw
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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