Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
