at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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