hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
