I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
