My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
