I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
