I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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