I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
well you can't waste a boner
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
