Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
