No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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