you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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