i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
