He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
