I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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