WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
