just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
