dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
