I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
