Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
