Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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